more pig jokes
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during
this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The
farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the
apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to
another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient
method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be
saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"
Pigs are the only mammals besides humans which can be sunburned. A hippopotamus
also can get a sunburn. But, than again, a hippopotamus is related to a pig.
Pigs cannot sweat.
What is a crafty pig called?
A city boy decided to quit the rat race and bought himself a farm, which
included a few sows. He wanted to breed the sows, but had no idea how to go
about it. His neighbor volunteered his boars for the job, and told the city boy
to bring them over in the pickup the next day.
In the afternoon when he went to pick them up, the city boy asked how he
would be able to tell if the sows were impregnated. He was told to look and see
where they were early in the morning. If they were up on the hill, they were
pregnant; if they were in the sty, it hadn't worked.
The next morning, he leapt from the bed and looked up the hill, but alas the
pigs were down in the mud. Grumbling, he loaded them back into the pickup and
headed for the neighbors.
The following three mornings were just the same; he would leap from the bed,
look up the hill, find the pigs down in the mud and have to return them to the
neighbors to let the boars have another shot at them.
On the fifth morning, he looked up the hill, and there were no pigs. He
looked down in the sty; still no pigs. He called to his wife, "Where the hell
are the pigs today?"
Amid hysterical laughter, she managed to choke out, "They're down in the
truck, and the big one is honking the horn!"
A bloke is driving around in the Australian bush and because it's Australia his truck has got a 'roo bar on the front that protects it if he hits a kangaroo. Suddenly he hits something, so he gets out and sees that there's a pig wedged between his 'roo bar and his truck. He tries to get it out but it's stuck tight, so he gets on his CB radio and asks for advice. "Breaker breaker. I've got a pig stuck behind my 'roo bar. How can I get it out?"
A reply comes back. "Just slice open the pig and let the guts spill out. The pig will fall out."
So the guy does this and as predicted the pig falls straight out. "OK, I've cut open the pig and it's out, but now I've got another problem."
"What is it now?" says the bloke on the radio.
"What do I do with his motorcycle and helmet?"
This reporter gets this lead on this story about this really special
pig. So he goes to interview the pig's owner for the evening broadcast.
He drives to the house, knocks on the door. The man opens the door and
invites him inside. The reporter says, "I understand that you've got a
very special pig here." The man says, "Special? Hell son, let me tell
you some stories about that pig."
"About ten years ago, I found this pig by the roadside. He had
dropped off of a pickup truck, and left for dead. So I went and picked
him up and nursed him back to health. About two years later the whole
family was asleep, and the house and barn caught on fire. The pig busted
into the window, woke me up, and told me the house was on fire>" The
reporter is stunned. "You mean to tell me that that pig can talk?"
"Hell, yes, he can talk," says the farmer. "This pig is helping to
perfect the cold fusion process, and he's on the lecture circuit, making
$10,000 per speech."
The reporter asks the farmer hastily, "Can we go see this miracle pig
now???" The farmer replies, "Sure we can." So they go out into the
farmyard, and there, sitting on the fence smoking a cigarette is this pig
missing one front leg and one hind leg. The pig says to the reporter,
"Hello there. Beautiful weather, isn't it? I haven't seen weather this
pretty since I was sailing the Barbados..." The reporter is too stunned
to respond. He drags the farmer back into the house, and says, "Dammit,
you're right. The pig can talk!!!" The farmer says, "See, I told you."
Then the reporter says, "I've just got one question. What happened to
The farmer says, "You see, son, a pig that smart, you just CAN'T eat
him all at once."